Silence was never written down. ~Italian ProverbContrary to the proverb; after some musing and encouragement I have decided to start this blog to provide some encouragement to other 'reluctant’ Heads of Household considering starting on "the journey."
We started our Domestic Discipline journey in October 2012 after my wife accidentally came across a bunch of blogs about ‘the discipline’ of an ordered house hold while surfing the net for ways to improve our marriage.
As a couple we are total opposites, which isn’t all that unusual. I am the quiet type technically orientated who prefers machines to meetings and she is well… the vocal one, a gifted wordsmith who could argue down a lawyer.
Marriages are sometimes referred to as sandpaper ministry where your partner smooths off your rough edges. We have now been together for some 23 years and have defied the statistics and the people who thought that we would not stay together because we were so different, but we have endured.
In our own ways, we are both stubborn which proved good for when the going was tough but it did not always lead for a joyous and happy household.
At times it seemed that we were more like stones in a rock tumbler rather than pieces of wood being sanded. The process is longer, the results might take longer but at the end you have polished gems.
So what was this DD thing? And how did it fit into our lives? To be honest I think it was a bit of a shock. My wife came up and presented the idea - of yielding her will to me and getting spanked if she slips up. We would discuss things but the final decision would be mine.
My reaction: Are you serious? OK. Who are you and what have you done with my wife?
But as the information flowed (edited somewhat) from various blogs that she was avidly reading it started to gel that this might actually work. in our lives. We outlined the basics: it was by mutual agreement that we would try this, we would focus on the four Ds of disrespect, disobedience, dishonesty and dangerous. She would also blog to help her record her journey (and give her an avenue vent her frustrations).
At the time I considered doing my own blog but realising the learning curve and still going to work I chose not to at that time due to time constraints. In hindsight I should have kept a journal of the first months to refer to when issues resurfaced and decisions were made.
And so we were off. First days were complex and busy. I soon realised that this thing we do takes time. A lot of time but time well invested in our marriage. I had to balance work, reading up on the blog extracts that M3had found that were relevant to our journey (I’m a slow reader), house hold duties (taxi driver to a teen) and scheduling times to correct ‘issues’.
Above all being vigilant. I had to be sensitive to the language and attitudes from Hez (M3); instead of ignoring snide comments I was now responsible for recognising them and addressing the matter. What a paradigm shift. Over the years I think I had developed a Teflon coat to these- that I ignored them so they wouldn’t affect me (probably not true in reality but often we do this as a crude defence mechanism).
Corner times. Though short in time can be disruptive – much like people popping in to your office for a ‘chat’ at work. But living in a small house with a teen you cannot exactly send your spouse to the nearest corner I can imagine the conversation.
”Mum what are doing?”
“Checking for holes in the wall”
“Shhh go away I’m not allowed to speak”
[in teen language] “WTF Are you serious?”
Fortunately this didn’t occur, as we scheduled both maintenance and discussion times around her dance classes or when she was out with friends, but this needed many more’ taxi trips’ to get her out of the house or return trips from the studio during lessons. I think she has also seen all the latest movie releases too.
And then there were spankings. I found spankings can be (initially) quite stressful. So many questions…When should you spank rather than do quite time? What do they mean that it is normal for your wife to cry and it gives her a ‘release’? Hez (M3) ever cries! When do you stop, or rather when should you stop? Should I really be doing this? Is this really abuse? What would our friends think? Isn’t this a bit on the kinky side? Are we normal?????
Here we are three months on. It has been a roller coaster ride. We have had the pendulum swing from one side to the opposite. I have swung from vigilant to slack, Hez (M3) from submissive to sassy. There have been a lot of changes – internally. We have had to deal with attitudes, insecurities and old issues long buried but brought bubbling up to the surface and of course roles in the household.
Stepping up into the Head of Household role after so many years of mutual home management (or rather mismanagement) is not easy but we have seen the benefits. We are able to discuss problems when we used to avoid them.
Our love has been rekindled and our marriage is stronger for it. We are both more relaxed (go figure) and bizarrely our friends are noticing the change in our relationship and our appearance “you just look different, more relaxed – better”.
So a quick rap up of the journey so far. Has it been a struggle, difficult and changed us? – Oh yes on many levels. Has it been worth it? –Definitely!